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PostSubject: Darkbrotherhood   Sun Jul 12, 2009 7:23 am

Chapter 1= JoJo.

In a land far far away near the city of leyawiin there is a village. The village is called Bravil. In the town of Bravil there is a family. There is Harry Harber, Sarah Harber and there four daughters Anna Harber who is the eldest child at the age of 16, Jess Harber who is the second eldest at the age of 14, Holy Harber who is the third eldest, Haily the fourth eldest and is the twin to Holy but Holy came out first both at the age of 12, and there only son Jojo who is the youngest at the age of 10.

Jojo has dark hair a innocent face and is short for his age. He wears a dark coloured clothes or black and never wheres shorts or short sleeves. Jojo has the ability to see ghosts but no one believes him. Since Jojo is the youngest his parents dont expect much from him, and try to keep away from him. At school Jojo is bullied for his ability and doesn't have many friends, this made Jojo very lonely and sad.

Jojo's sisters call him a freak and Jojo's teachers dont like him. And everyday Jojo gets slightly angry at the world, and every night he cries himself to sleep......

*next day

Sarah: Jojo would you wake up please our going to be late!
Haily: Mum why doesnt his ghosts friends tell him to get up?
Sarah: Because he doesn't have any friends. JOJO!

*Jojo slowly comes down stairs, his mum grapes him by the arm and sits him down.

Sarah: Now eat quickly or you will be late.
Anna: I bet were going to be late again.
Harry: You think?
Holly: I cant be late today! i got play rehersals!
Sarah: Oh my baby is in the play, iam so happy.
Anna: well I got to practice today for the band were playing at new moon festival next week.
Jess: Well i got a test i have to ace!
Haily; I got a hockey tournament we need to practice too.
Sarah: Oh Harry look at out girls there so great arent they well that makes 4/5 not bad.
Harry: I know but give Jojo a chance.

As much as Sarah disliked Jojo and Harry always showed some kindness but in the wrong way, like when Jojo broke a china dish and Sarah went into a rage, Harry calmed her down a beat Jojo, because when Harry was younger and he did something wrong no matter how small Harry's dad always beat Harry, so Harry thought the best way to help Jojo was to beat him when he did wrong, but this only made it worse, and Harry thought it was only part of the experince, so everything Jojo did wrong he got beaten for it. This made Jojo stop talking so he wouldn't say anything wrong or say yes to anything thats wrong. Jojo was scared to get a bad grade on his test becuase thats 1 point he got wrong so he usually brought the best grades. But his parents didn't care.

*At school

Harry: Anna please look after Jojo i know you dont like him but please.
Anna: Do i have to?
Harry: please?
Anna: Fine

*Lucas and his group of friends are the school bullies in Jojo's year, Lucas's family is the school bully for generations since the school was built Lucas's family went to this school and terrorised it. Finton was in Anna's Year and he was in love with Anna and FIn was the popular guy in the hole school.

Fin: Hey Anna
Anna: Hey Fin
Fin: Hey Holly and Haily oh hey freak.
Anna: Dont call him a freak.
Fin: What everyone calls him a freak hes famous for that name.
Haily: My mum says that he is just slighly challenged.
Anna: Who knows Haily.
Holly: Hes not challenged Dad says hes going threw puberty early and soon he will be normal its just hes going through it diffrently.
Fin: Is that right?
Holly: Thats what our Dad says.
Anna: I think thats enough for one day i just got to take them to there class, tell Mrs Hicks i will be slightly late.
Fin: Sure,cya later babe *kiss Anna*
Haily & Holly: Ewwww thats disgusting.
Anna: would you to be quiet, i know your doing this on purpose *she says this as there walking* or do you want me to tell Justin that you still dont like boys
Holly: Fine you cought use red handed.

*At class

Lucas: Oh no hes here!
Loren: Oh man.
Mrs Lorell: Oh Jojo take your seat your just in time.

*lucas and Loren after 10 minutes start shooting spit balls at Jojo.


Lucas: you like the presents loser?
Loren: Yea good one Lucas.
Lora: Leave him alone.
everyone that heard Lora: GASP*
Jojo's heart felt slightly warm and he felt a little joy. He felt like killing the hole school and himself but Lora gave him a reason not to.
Lucas: You must be jokeing Lora, hes a freak.
Loren: Yea a freak.
Lora: No hes not a freak hes a preson just like you and me, a person is a person no mater how crazy.
luke: Lora you dont want to do this.
Lora: Iam sure Jojo is a sweet kind and loving person but we treat him like an animal and we dont know the real Jojo.
the crowd: yea she may be right.....we were a little to hard......Iam sorry jojo....ect
Link: Hes still a freak tho, he says he can see ghosts.
Crowd: Yea!
Lora: Iam sure hes joking and trying to scare us, or maybe he can see ghost and why cant we live with it?
Lucas: Because if you cant feel it, see it, or hear it, it doesnt exist. and we cant feel, see or hear ghost so they dont exist. I say we beat Jojo for making these lies
Crowd: Yea
Lora: No! run Jojo run!
Mysterious voice: Freeze *time stops
M.V.: Hello Jojo, i am Dr. Demogorgon and i am here to help you.
Dr.D: I am sure you know you have the power to see ghosts am i correct?
Jojo shakes his head as to say yes.
Dr.D: Dont worry Jojo you can speek to me i wont hurt you. But do you know that your power is only the begining you have a very special gift.
Jojo: D......
Dr.D: Go on...
Jojo: D...Do.....Do I?
Dr.D: Yes Jojo very good. you have such a wounderful voice its been what 5 years since you used it, it is such a shame. Yes your power is very special and i will help you master it if you want, you do want to master it do you?
Jojo: Y....Ye....Yes
Dr.D: I Gess i can help find someone for you speech problem. Anyways Jojo you must leave your home and everything you cherished, if you had anything.

*the only thing Jojo really cherished is when Lora showed the first kind of kindness in 7 years.

Dr.D; So do you want to come with me i cant certainly help you.
Jojo: I...I.........d......ont.......know
Dr.D: Do you like your life now?
Jojo: N....o.
Dr.D: There you go, so come with me Jojo and for fill you destiny i will help you any way i can. do you except?
Jojo: Y.....e.....s
Dr.D: Lets go.
*They exit, Time continues

Lucas: hu? Where did he go
Loren: Yea were did he go
Lora: Wow he can surely run faster than anyone i know.
Link: That freak....

Later his parents come to pick him up but they cant find them any where, sarah feels that her prayers were answered with him leaving, Harry feels that he should have spent more time, Lora is sorry for the pain she caused Jojo and hopes that in the future they will meat again and they can be friends, lora had a crush on Jojo. other than that no one was really affected except Lucas had to find a new prey to pick on at school and Jojo was for once happy to know what the next day will hold. Oh and poor Charlie for being the next prey.......

note= some of the places are taking from the game oblivion, i couldn't think of any names......

Last edited by Cookie on Mon Jul 13, 2009 1:34 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Darkbrotherhood   Sun Jul 12, 2009 12:18 pm

nice story..but isnt "The dark brotherhood" the title from Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood?? sounds almost the same..o.o...
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PostSubject: Re: Darkbrotherhood   Mon Jul 13, 2009 5:31 am

Chapter 2= Simon

The day after Jojo left with Dr.Demogorgon, on the other side of the Planet in an Orphanage in Hiami there lived boy who was there from the start, his name was Simon. Simon was 13 years old, he was average hight, had blond hair that felt like silk to touch, he has long hair and his fringe covers his right eye.

When people came to the orphanage Simon always hoped he would get picked like ever child does, but all the parents or couples looking for a child are always unsure about Simon. Unlike Jojo Simon is more brave and confident. When he told the people looking after him that his thumb turned into stone and kept going on and on, and every time they checked they couldn't see anything.

Simon didn't understand sometimes no one was around some of his skin turns to stone and when he showed someone it was gone.

Simon: I am telling you the truth, my leg turned to stone.
Rita: Simon we do this every time, you say a body part turned to stone i check its not. I am getting tired, and i wont check when you boy parts "turn to stone"

Rita is Simon's room leader, each room in the orphanage gets a leader, she or he organises the activities, and Rita was the only person who had time for Simon.

Simon: Unless you want to...
Rita: Simon!
Simon: Sorry
Rita: Anyways you got to go to bed iam sure you have a big day and go brush you teeth.
Simon; Really do i have to
Rita: Go....

*out in the corridor Rita was talking to her friend, while the boys at room 9, Rita's room where getting ready for bed.


Rita: God that Simon is a unusual child
Lizz: I know when he was younger and in the room i am taking care off he kept complaining that parts of him are turning to stone, i check but theres nothing.
Rita: Anyways...
Lizz: Did you hear about that child in Bravil he went missing?
Rita: Yea what was his name again? Aj, Oj something like that.
Lizz: Yea well its just weird how one second hes there and the next hes gone without a trace.
Rita: Yea
Lizz: And the worst part is the mother doesn't even care, she said he was a waist of space.

* in the bathroom

Henry: Hey did you know again Simon said his skin turned to stone....
Trever: I think he's been here to long, this orphanage is made from stone he must be seeing it everywhere.

*The group of boys laugh while Simon looks down to the ground

Henry: I heard that his parents were so poor that they couldn't keep him
Trever: Yea they must have been really.....
Simon: Dont say it....
Trever: st...
Simon: Dont say it....
Trever: upid
Simon: I told you not to say it

*Simon runs towards Trever and punches him in the face, Trever falls and is crying his hands covering his face

Simon: I told you all, you can insult me but you cannot insult my parents, my parents were good people...
Henry: Who told you that rubbish, was it Rita?
Simon: Yes.
Henry: Well you know she doesnt like you, do you?
Simon: She does like me...

*Henry pulls out a recorder and pushes play, Rita's voice comes out but each words have a different tone.

Recorded rita: SIMON is So weird AND sOME timEs i Wish he wouLd Leave Me AAAAAlone
Trever: Someone get help please my noes really hurts...
Henry: You see Simon....
Simon: I dont believe it...

*Rita enters

Rita: So is everyone....Oh MY GOD, Trever are you alright.

*Rita slowly moves Trever hands away from his face reviling a bone like substance sticking out of Trevers noes.

Rita: Lizz, call a doctor, your going to be all right Trever...
Trever: My noes really hurts....
Rita: Who did this?

*the group of boys all point to Simon

Rita: I dont believe it Simon iam really disapointed in you...
Simon: You should have told me you didn't like me...
Rita: What are you talking about i always liked you...untill now i thought you were to mature for this, everyone to bed now
Lizz: I called the doctor he will be her with an ambulence in five minutes.
Rita: Thanks lizz
Lizz: Oh dear Trever are you ok...
Trever: What do you think.
Rita: Ok Lizz help me take trever down to the main entrence.
Lizz: Ok
Rita: Why are you boys still here get to bed.....

*Rita, Lizz and Trever exit

Henry: Simon, Simon,Simon,Simon what have you got your self into?

*Henry and the other boys exit the bathroom and Henry turns off the lights. Simon begins to cry.

Mysterious voice:Freeze! Why are you crying Simon?
Simon: Hu?
Mysterious Voice: I said why are you crying?
Simon; Hu..wh..o..whose there? show yo..ur self.
Mysterious Voice:I am Radnorrok I work for Dr Demogorgon.
Simon; How do you know my name?
Radnorrok: We have been watching you Simon for a long time...

*Simon couldn't see Radnorrok because it is to dark but he could make out that radnorrok was massive and had he had a deep deep voice.

Radnorrok: Simon, Dr.Demogoron sent me to collect you.
Simon:Coll...ect me?
Radnorrok: Yes, Dr. Demogoron knows you have a special gift and he can help you control it.
Simon: Maybe i dont want to go...
Radnorrok: But he can help you...

*Simon opens the door and runs, Radnorrok removes his hood and puts his hands to his ear.

Radnorrok: Hes making a run for it.
Lady on the ear piece: Get him Dr. Demogoron wants him.
Radnorrok: Is it ok if hes hurt?
Lady: No, Dr Demogoron said alive and well. I added tranquilizers to your arm gun, try them out on him.
Radnorrok: Gotcha, over and out.

*Radnorrok takes off his cloak to revile his body is half machine, and his right arm is a big arm gun. He takes his left arm and changes the settings on his right to tranquilizers. and makes chase.

Simon runs and runs then he finds Rita.

Simon: Rita, Rita you got to help me....Rita?
Radnorrok: Now i gotcha.....

*Radnorrok takes his right arm and aims it and fires. Simon jumps out of the way, Radnorrok keeps shooting. Simon runs into a room and hides under the table with the cover on it. Radnorroks left eye the robotic eye can see through objects and he fires at the table and Simon is hit.

Simon: How the hellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll......
Radnorrok: Gotcha....Radnorrok to HQ, commin
HQ: HQ here.
Radnorrok: I Got the boy, he put up some resistance very feeble.
HQ: Are you alright?
Radnorrok; Yea iam fine, ehh this kids heavy.
HQ: Your joking right.
Radnorrok; Yea i am.
HQ; Ok the will be at pick up in five.
Radnorrok: Take you time.

*Five miutes later, Jet arrives, two men come out.

Man 1: Is this the boy?
Radnorrok: Yea it is.
Man 2: Dr. Demogorgon go the the other boy yesterday.
Radnorrok: Good for him... Did you hear from the others?
Man 1: Not yet sir.
Radnorrok: fine take me back to the mansion.

*At the mansion

Radnorrok: Where is sleeping beauty going to go?
Man 2: He is going in room 13 with the other boy.
Radnorrok: Lead the way
Man 1: Its only down the hall.

Man 2: Here we are *unlocks the door*
Jojo: Hu? AHHHHH
Radnorrock: Shhhhh you will wake him up.....good night.*closes door and it locks*

*At the orphanage Rita looked for Simon everywhere but could not find him. Trever got a new noes, and Rita was never the same, she still is waiting and searching, and she has regreat because they had an argument and she blames his dissaperence on herself. The orphanage was never the same.
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PostSubject: Re: Darkbrotherhood   Mon Jul 13, 2009 5:36 am

It's a very interesting story, I must say.
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PostSubject: Re: Darkbrotherhood   Mon Jul 13, 2009 6:10 am

is it a good interesting or bad? and anyone else to comment good or bad i dont care...
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PostSubject: Re: Darkbrotherhood   Mon Jul 13, 2009 6:30 am

inbetween. Slightly closer to good.
You don't need to describe your main character straight away, try and describe him as you write:
John looked at the ocean, his jet black hair wafting across his face. The spot was so mysterious, much like himself in many ways.
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