Looking at it from a musical point of view I give it a 6/10... Who am I to Judge? Music producing is my dream job, so listing to music is a big part, lucky for me there is a yearly jazz festival that I go to through summer and starting a blog but lol enought of me...
I would suggest turning down the backing track it is too loud and kinda at times drowns you out. Since your a man, classic high notes aren't your forte so I would suggest trying to avoid them.
As for vocals, you aren't that bad. With a good vocal coach you could smooth it out. I kinda feel R&B would suit your voice better, you have that slight husky voice that reminds me of nelly...not a lot but slightly.
I would say the hook needs work it is kinda repetitive, the hook is what's suppose to catch the audience and it feels sort of flat in this song. There isn't a build up and you kinda keep the same tempo throughout which in music and today's market is burning. You want to make it big, the hook is important.
Another advice mix genres you can't have simple rap anymore that won't fly in today's market, sad but your target audience is small, broaden is, it will move you faster.
The lyrics are good, but there is nothing that makes me go "awwwww dayum dog" like if you take macklemore he uses comedy, eminem uses emotional metaphors, 2pac uses serious and incorporates them into everyday life situations. You need to find what works for you, I can only think of those as im not big on the rap scene. But once you find what works for you, your lyrics will get a lot better. But it just depends on the kind of artist you want to be.
Take care and good luck.